i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
