I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
