Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
