I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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