Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
