Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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