if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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