Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
