i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
