you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
