i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
