when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
