So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
