So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
