Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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