woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
