I understand Curling. That high.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
