my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
