Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
