I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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