I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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