I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the condom got lost in my hair
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
