New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he puts the penis in happiness.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
