we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
