The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
