It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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