Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize