I CAN MOONWALK!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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