I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
