She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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