the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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