no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize