My friends, they love my intelligence
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
