Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
