I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
