I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
