Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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