I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
