i permit you to call me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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