Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
