Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
