I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize