Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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