dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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