Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
