I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
