people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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