I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
