U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
