Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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