You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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