Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
