Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
