I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
