Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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