Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
