How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
