My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
