Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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