masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
