Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
