Porn is love you can see.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
