In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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